12 Aug 2011
Dear BUST Magazine…Sincerely, Deb Shockenbottom
Dear BUST Magazine,
I’m writing to let you know how enthusiastic I am about your magazine. I myself am a woman who has long had “somethings to get off my chest” as your so apropos tagline suggests. I love your articles, your photos and your “real life” section as I like to think of myself as a lady who is “keepin’ it real” as you would suggest about your readers. As I sit here in Devon (full disclosure: Devon is my black, 1998 Toyota pick-up, a strong, black woman in her own right) reading your latest issue on sex and relationships I felt the need to pen this letter to let you know that there are a few things in your fine magazine that I unfortunately disagree with. And much like Sir Sherlock Holmes’ avid respect for Dr. Moriarti whom he heartily disagreed with on most occasions, I feel it is totally fine and respectful for me to disagree with something or someone I respect.
First things first, your magazine title, “BUST”, did you really need to use all capitals? It’s like you’re yelling at the reader, and as a 47 year old white female who never yells unless it’s to warn someone of immediate danger, I feel like I’m being yelled at by your magazine. I think “Bust” would be sufficient and not significantly effect readership. Just here to help.
B., the choice of Portia de Rossi as the cover model for the sex issue is a bit puzzling to me. Don’t get me wrong, she is a pretty lady who probably smells real fresh like a bar of Dove soap, but I would think men and ladies who like other ladies would appreciate a lady with a little more meat on her bones. Why would I go to a renaissance faire and expect to get a regular sized turkey leg? I wouldn’t. Wanted to clear that up.
Third, I feel like your magazine in general and this issue in specifics has a narrow view of relationships. Not once did I read about a lady in a relationship with another lady….in ladies’ prison. Minimum security or otherwise. I think that needs to be remedied. When I was in ladies minimum security prison for a crime I did in fact commit my lady friend (that’s a friend who’s a lady for all you perverts out there) wrote me every year. Not a year went by that I didn’t receive a sweet, sweet letter from Anjaylica telling me she was waiting for me on the outside with her sweet, sweet apple pie cooling on her sweet, sweet windowsill. She lived in a condo at the time and had nice windowsills. Now that she’s in a duplex she no longer has that luxury. Also, she has a problem with hobos.
In closing statements, I want to thank you for taking the time to either read this letter thoughtfully or throw it in the round file. I will continue to read BUST and think about you and all the sweet, sweet ladies with their things on their chests they are trying to get off of them. Good night and God’s speed.
Sincerely,
47 year old, white female
* * * * Out of Character, Friday at 8pm, 3209 N. Halsted St. in Chicago. $10 + BYOB.
