the playground theater.

Chapter 51: How to Get the Lady Out Yo House

 

by Ludas Sinclaire

You’ve just woken up and you notice the pretty little honey you took home with you last night is still there. Now don’t panic, this doesn’t mean you are in a relationship, just follow “Ludas Laws” and she will not only leave, but will feel like it’s her idea. 

LUDAS LAW #1: Never bed a woman in your own house, this way in the morning you can say your roommate, friend, or my case my mother doesn’t like having company over. This will make it seem like you want her to stay but the powers that be are the ones to blame. Always seem angry at them and make the promise that you are sick of this and planning to move.

LUDAS LAW#2: Keep the room temp slightly uncomfortable, the less comfortable she is the more likely she will want to leave.

LUDAS LAW#3: “Ah man I gotta get to work!” Now of course I don’t have a job but for all intents and purposes she thinks you do. See chapter 4 “Lying About Your Job Will Get Your A Job If You Know What I Mean”.

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Out of Character, Friday at 8pm, 3209 N. Halsted St. in Chicago. $10 + BYOB.